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Lonely memories torment my mind'
At the middle of the long sad night.
When the cheater sleep ditches my eyes
I hug my pillow tight
Just to feel Im still by your side.
The cruel distance maims my life,
A mutilated soul inside just cries.
To itself my longing heart lies,
Someday again you will come by.
The days have gone,the years have passed.
But the wound you left me behind still hurts.
Your thoughts elude, your presence still lingers,
When the lonely memories still rip me apart.
A lonely mind.
An empty heart.
A restless soul weeps.
The silent night.
And the long forgotten tale
Of a betrayed love.
The distant cry of a nightbird.
The lour sky stares.
A ticking clock
Gnawing on the broken pieces
Of a maimed life.
An unfaithful face eludes
Behind the closed eyes.
A perennial wait.
A deep sigh.
A helpless drop of tear,
And the musings of a defeated mind.
The wounded dreams.
The extinct happiness.
A cuckold life.
Foster slave of a cruel fate
Mirror mirror on the wall,solve the mystery of my soul”,I whisper to the person on the other side of the mirror.
But my mirror only reflects back the earthly body that Ive been bearing for the past 25 yrs.Encased within this cascade of flesh and blood is a soul that totally unknown to me.
Who am I? I often wonder. Why am I?
I try to look deep into the eyes of my own reflection,as if trying to reach within my own self.
But I get lost.Lost in a maze of broken dreams and unfulfilled desires.
My eyes reveal no secret of my soul.My mind like a plank tossing in a vast ocean of variegated thoughts.
I close my eyes and try to feel my own heartbeat,with and attempt to figure out the meaning of the rhythmic lub dub sound.I feel an emptiness within me,a never ending void.I feel a deep excruciating pain inside.
My eyes getting moist,my vision getting blurred.
I try to think about my closed ones.Smiling faces in sepia appear in my mind-mom,dad,boyfriend,my family.
Yet why this chasm,why this void?Why this weird pain inside?Why this incompleteness in my eyes.
What is the quest of my soul,I know not.What is the destination i crave to reach?
Who is this stranger in my mirror?
Sneha was blankly staring down at the cup of mocha in front of her,stirring it aimlessly.Another cup of coffee was getting cold in front of Rohit,at the opposite side of the table.They were sitting across the same corner table of the coffee shop,where they used to spend hours of togetherness,specially after bunking the boring afternoon session of college.
Had it been a few years back,there would have been a kiddish fight over a single cup of mocha,favorite to both of them,as to who would sip the froth on it.
“So,how has life been?”Rohit broke the silence..”Gud”,Sneha faked a smile.
Sneha was married for 3 yrs now..And they had not seen or spoken to each other since then.The only connection they had were in their midnight dreams.And today,here they were again,in that same old place,was nothing more than serendipity.
“U stil look like a Diva”,Rohit said after long minutes of staring at her. She indeed did.She looked even more beautiful wrapped in that pink saree and with that small dot of sindoor on her forehead.Rohit had always wanted to see her like that. Today his wish was fulfilled,only that,the sindoor was for somebody else.She looked just the same,except that the shine of her eyes were lost,probably lost forever.
“And you look handsome for a change”,she said.
“I ought to.You had spent long hours improving my dressing sense those days”,said Rohit.
Sneha smiled again,this time a genuine one,remembering how stupid he looked in his college days.
She closed her eyes.Her mind raced back in time,to the campus,the day she had first met him.And it was not a month before she realized how deeply she had fallen in love with him.Since then she had never neede a better reason to live and to be happy.He had meant the world to her.He was the end of her quest for love.He was her destination.He was the face of her dreams.They had started spinning their
world of dreams until life ditched both of them,once again proving that dreams are never meant to be real.”
“Your coffee is getting colder Princess”.Thats what he used to call her.She was indeed the princess of his
dreams.And though he desperately wanted to be the lucky prince,but somewhere at the back of his mind he always knew that he was just the knight,taking care of her until the prince actually owns her.
“So when you planning to get married?”asked Sneha.
“Im not.Dont wanna spoil a girl’s life.”he replied sipping at his coffee,”do u still like gol gappas? Lets have a competetion again”.
“Not today Rohit,may be some other time”
“Theres no some other time Sneha.Im flying to States next week with a project.You know Im well settled
now.Settled enough to deserve a princess.But look at the game of life,my princess already belongs to somebody else.”
Sneha could see the drop of tear at the corner of his eyes fighting to roll down.
They kept looking at each other and both could feel the excruciating pain within them,the pain they had felt 3 yrs back.The devastating silence was broken by the ringtone of Snehas cellphone.
“I have to make a move,my husband has come to pick me.My phone no...”
“I dont want your no Sneha.Just be happy.Thats what I have always wanted for you.”
Sneha faught back the lump in her throat and looked at Rohit.Then turned back and started walking towards reality.
It was raining heavily.
She returned home after the hard work of her day,heavy hearted.That was the last place she wanted to be in after he had left.The house haunted her.It was the same place that once used to be her heaven.
It was almost midnight by the time she had come back.She had an official party to attend after her working hours.
She usually didnt like going to parties much,specially without him but now that was a good excuse to keep herself away from her home as much as possible.Few months back she was always in a hurry to get back home,to return back to him.But now things had changed.
It had been almost 6 moonths that he had left leaving her alone in an empty,meaningless world.Lots of things had changed in this period of time except her loneliness.She had tried hard to get rid of it but it was always with her like a faithful friend.It was all that he had left her with.
She unlocked her doors and turned on the light.The days hard work had made her tired but she knew she wouldnot be able to sleep.Thats how it had been for the past 6 months.
She freshened herself up and went to her bedroom.It haunted her all the more.She turned off the main light.Dim blue light flooded the room.
She looked at the pillow by her side.It was empty and abandoned.She buried her face in it.It still smelled of his shampoo.
She could feel hot tears filled in her eyes.She tried in vain to stop them. When she raised her face the pillow was all wet and she was sobbing hard like a baby.
His nightdress was her only company in bed after he was gone.She held it tight in her chest.It smelled of his perfume and sweat.She never had washed it after the last time he wore it.She cried out loudly.But the sounds of her loneliness were lost in the sounds of the thunders outside.It was thunderstorms again today.
She had always been scared of thunders.And on such nights she used to throw herself in his arms and bury her face in her chest and he used to hold her tight like a panicstriken baby caress her hair and whisper softly in her ear.His arms were the safest place on earth for her.But now she could just wrap her hands around herself and cry aloud in vain to get back the softness of his embrace again.
She cried till her eyes turned red and puffy.She took her phone and listened to his voice that she had recorded at the good old times.She knew she would never listen to this voice again.She kept the recording on repeat and curled up herself at his side of the bed,waiting for another painful, sleepless night to get over.
.
He stood there in front of me with the serene smile on his face.His deep blue eyes reflected all my dreams in them.
His fingers locked with mine bore the promise of an eternal togetherness.The tangerine radiance of the dusk made him look like an angel born from my dreams.The air around was filled with his tranquilizing fragnance.
He was quiet but his silence spoke the thousand words of a timeless love.The love I was waiting for throughout my life.
As I gazed deep into his enchanting blue eyes,he slowly pulled me closer to him.
And I could feel our souls becoming one,when I silently prayed for the moment to come to a halt.
As the morning dewdrops blaze
On the tip of the maple leaf,
The tangerine rays of the sun
Announce a pristine beginning.
As the aroma of the prime
Blends with the innocent breeze,
And the chirps bring the seraphic chimes,
I see a new boulvard ahead,
Opening to a new horizon,
New dreams.
Life is beckoning again....
